Just A Librarian
by XxCarlieCullenxX
Summary: The final chapter in the Librarian's story. (Based on an AU from Tumblr)


**Hi :)**

**This is kind of a one-shot from an AU idea someone created on Tumblr about Jeremy having a dark secret and being involved with hitmen, and it kind of just evolved into this...**

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_I'm just a librarian. _

That's what I tell myself. But to be brutally honest, the lie is driving me insane. Quite literally. Someone like me shouldn't be stuck as a librarian but I had no choice. My old lifestyle was changing me into something that I hated and promised myself that I wouldn't become. So I ran away from it all, I quit. This in hindsight was probably a very stupid idea.

I ended up in Ravenhill Hospital for minor stress, and deep down, I didn't mind it. I got to be away from my old life, and was living a new life under the new name of 'Jeremy Goode'. It hadn't taken me long to come up with this new identity. I always thought I looked like a Jeremy; especially once my eyesight had begun to fail and ended up stuck in these ridiculous large framed glasses. To keep up with this new life, my personality had begun to change too. I was much more easily irritated than I used to be around people that couldn't understand me. I knew I was clever with numbers and equations; I had been since I was a little boy but I always managed to keep myself calm when people used to comment on it. Now, it was becoming increasingly difficult to do so. The only person who seemed to appreciate my intelligence was Nurse Kenchington, who had begun to do some work and as it turned out, needed assistance. It would be this that began my downfall.

I lied.

When I was up for release, I lied. I told the board that I saw this thing, I called it the 'Silent Singer' and based it's appearance off of a passing woman. My old life had taught me how to lie and it obviously still worked because they bought it so very easily. I was allowed to stay. I lied so I could help Kenchington finish her work. But I didn't know how much trouble it would get me into. It came when I was frustrated, the Silent Singer. And I was so confused. It wasn't real, I'd made it up. But there it was, plain as day in the room with me. So I ignored but. But the more and more stressed I got, when things weren't right, the more and more the Silent Singer would appear. I was eventually diagnosed with Schizophrenia, and left Ravenhill seven _years_ after I first set foot inside.

_I'm just a librarian._

That's what I told myself as I fixed my tie on the first day of my job at Brook Street Library. The past was behind me now, my old life, Ravenhill, all of it. I was Jeremy Goode, Head Librarian and that's it. But it wasn't. Deep down, I still missed my old life, as sick and twisted as it was. I missed the adrenaline, the mad dash, the thrill of the chase. I tried to snap myself back into the mind of Jeremy, and not of _him. _I wasn't him anymore.

I hadn't seen the Silent Singer in the year and a half that I'd been out of Ravenhill and at the Library, but it all changed very quickly. 50 Great Costal Walks of the British Isles – Volume Two would be another step in my downfall. And what a step it would be. That woman, Rachel, hadn't returned her book and it was driving me insane. That was another fault in my new persona. Chronic OCD; and it didn't pair very well with my Schizophrenia. The Silent Singer kept appearing more and more. And I was slowly descending into madness. I was constantly calling her, and often stalking her just to get that book. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I just couldn't stop myself. I needed that book. Just to make my life settle down again. To make the Silent Singer disappear. And in all of this, it gave me my first taste of my old lifestyle again. I attacked a woman. Grabbed her by her hair, and cut it off with a pair of scissors and stole her dog. And it was when I was sat on those swings making the phone call to tell the family that if I didn't get the book the dog will be returned in bits, that it hit me that Jeremy Goode was breaking down and that my old life was worming its way back in through the cracks. I'd made those kinds of phone calls before. Dozens of times. But they were not about dogs that I was holding hostage. It was people.

I had my breakdown at the hands of Detective Finney, who had tortured me with the book I was looking for by damaging it in front of me, only for me to find out that it wasn't really that book. And I succumbed to the Silent Singer. There wasn't anything to stop me anymore. I ended up at a new Hospital as Ravenhill had burnt down in what was a suspected arson attack. They placed me in Castleton. And again, I had to go through all the small and mundane tasks to win back my sanity. I was always a quick leaner, I took pride in it. It only took me two years this time to be released back out into society. But what was waiting for me on the other side, I had no idea.

There was a man. And I knew what he was as soon as I caught sight of him. I may have been a different man but I still had the knowledge of the former one. He was a hitman. And he was following me. The old me kicked in, and my blank self carried on pretending that I hadn't seen and didn't know. I wasn't going to get into trouble for this. Jeremy Goode had already been in trouble before. And I had righted that wrong in Castleton, I had written to Rachel and her Mother apologising for everything that I had done to them under the influence of the Silent Singer. I explained to them about the Schizophrenia, and got a reply later saying that I accepted it and that they're happy I'm getting help with it. I knew from the handwriting that they just meant that they were happy because I was away from them. Because they thought I was a maniac. Little did they know that they are probably closer to the truth than they thought…

Now, you're probably reading this and wondering why I'm telling you all this. Well, this is the part you'll really enjoy then. Because this is the last thing I'm writing with the name Jeremy Rupert Goode.

I saw that man again. His name is Derren and yes, I was right, he's a hitman. He phoned the library and told me this himself. The final confirmation. It took me a lot of research to get his name, he wouldn't tell me. It was a secret because he was killer. And I knew that feeling all too well.

_I'm just a librarian._

That's what I told him. Even though he knew that I wasn't, he knew the truth about me. That I was on his side of the law; that I was a hitman too once upon a time. But I still tried to keep up my new life as Jeremy. I had become attached to him and his odd antics. And I didn't know how I would cope without them anymore. His confused frown, how he has to have a fist clamped whilst on the phone, even his irritations. But now, it's like Jeremy Goode never existed. He's just a thought inside my head, the man that tried to save me and failed. Because he's not a maniac who wanted to do harm because of the Silent Singer, that was just one of his flaws. He was my escape. He was my good side, my conscience. And it's time to let him go.

I regret to say, that I'm writing this with a sniper by my side. Derren offered me a new case, a new hit, a new type of adrenaline and I just couldn't refuse. No matter how hard he tried, Jeremy Goode just couldn't stop the old me. He had to give up, and in a way I'm glad because I didn't want to see him get hurt any more than he already did. He can live a life now inside my head. But he does play a part still, I can't lie. From time to time, I still see the Silent Singer. But it's not a horrifying thing anymore. It's a happy thing. Because it means that he really did count.

And with that, I must leave. But I have one parting gift for that man…

Jeremy Goode. More than just a librarian.

He was my saviour.

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**Any faves or reviews are appreciated, and you will get a virtual hug and a cookie. :3 xx**


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